Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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