i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The uberlube is also flammable
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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