I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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