i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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