everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
