I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
