Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
