eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
