ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
