FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk is a universal language darling
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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