Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
