We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
