so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
