we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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