My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
