I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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