In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
