So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
