I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
