Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
