Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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