I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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