so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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