so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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