I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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