Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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