new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
