So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
