She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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