Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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