Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
