porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
