she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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