I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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