i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
