Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
