I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
