my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
