im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
