I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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