I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
