ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
