I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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