tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
