i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm too high and old for this...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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