i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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