I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it hurts more in the daytime
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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