my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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