I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
