I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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