so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
