woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
