Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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