Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
