every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
