We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
