if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize