First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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