Already got asked if we're dating
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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