You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
