I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
