After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
