So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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