check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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