in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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